Beyond ‘OK Boomer’: Deflecting Coded Shade Against Older Black Men

December 2, 2025

Recently, while discussing the Black Men of Measure project with someone, I was told to expect a degree of pushback because I plan to feature interviews with older Black men about their lives. Specifically, the suggestion was that the work I was doing—centering their experiences, exploring their views on masculinity, family, and duty—would inevitably be questioned. The unspoken assumptions are two-fold: One, the only reason I should engage men of this generation is to critique them, to challenge patriarchal views, or to offer subtle jabs. Two, that men of this generation tacitly endorse harmful ideas or views about the state of the Black community. Anything else—curiosity, empathy, the desire to illuminate lived experience—will be viewed with suspicion, or worse. 

In Black spaces, showing respect for elders is a deeply held cultural norm. Yet, like all norms, it comes with tension–mainly that all elders don't automatically deserve respect for living to a certain age. There exists a phenomenon I think of as "coded shade": subtle, indirect critiques of older Black adults by younger people (usually Millennials and GenZers, sprinkled with a few GenXers here and there) that signal disapproval, amusement, or critique without overtly violating the community's expectation of respect. In this sense, coded shade is a social mechanism—a way to navigate generational tension while still appearing to honor tradition. 

At the macro level, one can observe examples of "coded shade" on social media: commentary on tech skills, teasing about bodies aging, subtle jabs at being “out of touch,” or remarks implying that older adults no longer have anything relevant to contribute. These remarks are often framed as humor or casual observation, but they carry weight. They are the Black cultural equivalent of the meme “OK Boomer”—a shorthand for critique disguised as social play primarily seen among whites—but rarely expressed openly because to do so would violate norms of respect. 

At the micro level, the effect of this coded shade is especially pronounced when interacting with Black men of a certain age. Anyone who speaks to men of my father’s generation—Boomers or older—is expected to operate within a default assumption: the conversation should involve critique. There is an expectation to interrogate patriarchy, highlight flaws, or offer correction. Curiosity, empathy, or the simple desire to illuminate lived experience is often treated as incomplete or suspect. The unspoken rule is that elders are only valuable as objects of critique; coded shade becomes the default lens through which they are engaged. 

Black Men of Measure intends to push vigorously against this default. The project centers the lived experiences, choices and reflections of Black men of my father's generation. By no means am I doing so because I believe they are perfect, or that they should be placed on a pedestal. I also don't believe they are beyond critique; this just isn't the space to do that. 

I'm working on this project because I find their stories to be instructive, and rich with nuance. The goal is not to critique them for the sake of critique, or to reduce their lives to punchlines or subtle jabs. It is to honor the measure of a life—the weight of responsibility, the navigation of history, and the accumulation of insight that extends beyond memes, casual commentary, or coded shade. This approach acknowledges tension without flattening it. Coded shade exists, generational critique exists, and intergenerational dialogue is rarely simple. But to reduce older Black men to caricature, or to assume that anyone who engages them must do so only to critique, is to miss the depth, complexity, and humanity they carry. Black Men of Measure seeks to illuminate those grey areas—to show that engagement with elders can be grounded in curiosity, respect, and understanding, even in the presence of tension and difference.